A few things inspired this reflection, a friend of mine recently sent me a blog post about how it really feels to be single. I imagine the post was meant to be a power puff  girls moment where all the single girls would read and “high 5” themselves on being so smart and choosing  to be single… what my friend Rita forgot is the fact that I had kind of diluted the singlehood  description the day I became a mom.  If I had any illusions about that, well the first paragraph was definitely a good reminder of how NOT single I was. “Being single is about sleeping in on a Sunday. Waking up when the sun heats up your room entirely. It is about the brunch you prepare for yourself on a day when you don’t care whether you should wash your face first or you should fix your hair.” hahahah, sleeping in on a Sunday!

As if this was not enough, fast forward to a few days later… It’s Wednesday afternoon only half way through the week, the sun is out; I am dog tired and a little irritable after spending the whole day in a room full of people (a feeling us introverts often get every time we are confined in a space with a bunch of humans for too long). I am taking a few minutes break before I go meet up with Grace whom I can’t cancel on because I have already done it too many times this year.  I sat on the steel chair of the balcony next to the corner meeting room I had been allocated for the day, joining the smokers just to be part of the conversation as we discern the hectic day that was.  Overlooking Table Mountain, holding a cigarette on one hand and a glass of wine on the other she says “So how are you coping with motherhood choms (friend)?”… (note the emphasis underlined).

I laughed nervously, this is the first time I was asked this specific question. Often I get asked how I am enjoying motherhood which I am happy to respond to the way I am expected to,  much like we all respond to the question “how are you?…

Its the way she asked that made me respond differently. From mother to mother, let me tell you how I really am coping.

live_comm_6716Truth is, I really am not coping much; I just paddle through it everyday, juggling  all sorts of “balls”. Overtime I have made meaningful adjustments that’s made it all a little bit better… even those come with certain sacrifices.

  • I still do everything I want to do, only at a slower pace than I used to.
  • I am less apologetic about the way I choose to spend my time.
  • I  try to always be honest about how I feel so I can get help.
  • Sometimes I skip cartoons and go straight for comedy just to release…
  • I spend less time with the self actualized mothers who have perfected this journey because I cant relate to them.
  • Send the nanny off to the movies for a day so I can be left with only one child.
  • I surround myself with the most amazing “famnds” (friends and family) to laugh off at my frustrations and to pick me up when I need it.
  • When it all feels too much, I pack my bags and go on holiday alone… on my way back, buy a few goodies for my nunu pie just to ease the mommy guilt.
  • Oh I’ve come to realize mothers deserve to be rewarded everyday and so I have come up with my very own incentive scheme  which starts from a chocolate reward to any other  item depending on how good I have been though I hardly meet my own expectations on my last tear 😉

And when all else fails I just let go and let God,  I am anxious for nothing and in everything I am prayerful.

ChurchGirlHuman

LM.