Blow by blowHahaha, a lot of things are theoretical until you experience them… I have learned this earlier on in life thanks to one of my friends who used to nudge me into order every so often  in my strong opinions that lacked experience.

So this one particular Sunday, I am sitting there on the front row listening to a sermon about how God has equipped us with tools to fight evil. Then the pastor says, (paraphrased) “You are fully equipped, I have equipped you with great tools to deal with the schemes of the devil. I hope he comes through to challenge you this week so you can show him who you are and what you are made of” feeling confident and inspired  I respond internally to myself, “I dare him to…”

Visualizing what would happen and how I would handle it was all theoretical for a moment. I can’t lie and say I know what the devil looks like and what he does to challenge us but the past 2 weeks sure did feel like he accepted the challenge.  Have you ever felt like you are hit  by challenges left right and centre and you just have no come backs?  I am talking about one of those weeks that start well with all the hopes for things to go a certain way in different compartments of your life. Looking at my confidence levels, I am sure you can agree, the sermon came at the right time, you know the time when things are going good in your life; not perfect but good. The energies around you are all positive nje. That’s actually the time when the spiritual muscle is likely to be unfit.  The week continues after the “I challenge the devil” Sunday, The first thing starts to head left, then the second one and it all comes crumbling down on me. Each door I had lined  up to open  is pushed back with words like “not now, maybe later, maybe the timing is not right“. When I say every door, I am talking about even the doors I thought I had on locked down, you know when the paperwork is just a formality but everything is already discussed and banked, that’s what I am talking about. Then you come back, the people have changed the entire lock.  This is one of those weeks where life deals you lemons in the middle of winter when you can’t even make lemonade.  Fam, I am talking about life’s disappointments, when bad things happen to good people as we say.  As I write this I am thrown off by life’s disappointments, I cannot see beyond this moment. Sure I am a child of God but my anger is overwhelming me, maybe anger is a strong word, but I am disappointed and struggling to have a constructive conversation with God. Do you ever feel that way? I want to talk to Him about it all but I don’t know what to say to Him. What do you say? “How could You let this happen, God?”

I feel upset because I am tested in areas of life that are really important to me. Now the thing I tell people during such times is turn to God and seek Him. But I am those people now, angered and spiritually paralysed.  How do I seek Him? My heart wants to pray but my mouth does not know what to say. Take me back oh God to the days of my spiritual youth, I remember the days when I sang the same song day and night pleading with God… “Xa ndiyekelelwa nguwe, ndophalala nje ngamanzi,  Zundithwala na kaloku, ngezo zandla zobubele. Wena ulithemba lam, Yenza indlela lapho ingekho”  And in deed I felt His hands carry me, I stand here as a living testimony of His provision, I did not perish at that time. Though I know all of this, I  really am struggling to recover and reconnect. Why can’t I get to the same space again.

Mh, this is what happens when you write a post over days, things happen and the story changes. Today I attended a meeting for cell leaders at church which had absolutely nothing to do with this post but suddenly became such an absolute opportunity for repentance.

A couple of thing were said in a different context but to me they were for such a time as this. I was there because I needed to hear it. It was correction time. If for any reason I did not realize how personal the session was, this is how I was nudged:

  • Give what God’s given to you the atmosphere to grow.  All I heard was, stop being a brat and nurture what you have been blessed with. Appreciate what you have.
  • He said, the enemy of growth (for people) is drifting and becoming cold towards God’s word. All I am hearing is, stop drifting and becoming cold towards the things of God. At this point I started feeling intestines coil up to the realness of the confrontation. I was the one getting cold and refusing to pray.

A few minutes later drifting in and out of my active presence in the meeting as a representative of a cell and my inactive presence as just a girl struggling to deal with disappointments I suddenly hear “lukewarm Christians” which I just wrote down because that’s what I do to remember things or emphasize them in my head.

Then I realized I have started writing on the next day space in my diary. Out of curiosity I read the scripture for the day at the top and that’s when I land on Psalm 92:4. In the NKJV is reads as follows “You, Lord have made me glad through Your work; I will triumph in the works of Your hands.”

What is the lesson here I ask,  Joyce Mayer elaborates this way “Focusing on our problems prevents us from rejoicing and being glad”  So when we get overwhelmed by our own problems (life’s disappointments) , let us not magnify them but instead we should work harder to magnify the good things that are happening as we go through those difficult times. Sometimes this is how the spiritual muscle gets some exercise.

So tonight, I sleep feeling lighter because I have found my words again and my prayer is this:

May the faithful Jehovah help us lay down our burden and see beyond the worldly glitches so we can experience joy. May we never tire and may we never slumber. I pray that even during the most disappointing times we may celebrate His goodness unconditionally. When the word is seeded deep down, you will be able to reach out and find the words, sometimes you will need others to carry you in prayer or remind you of who you are. This is why belonging is important.

The promise was never a challenge-free life, but courage and Godly wisdom is our portion if that’s what we ask for 🙂

If you forget everything I wrote here, do remember this one thing. The power of belonging. Carry people in your prayers, find and surround yourself with people who carry you in the prayers.

ChurchGirl ♥♥♥

LM.